#21: 5 Phrases Parents Must Avoid to Foster a Growth Mindset.

The Power of Words

Author

Kris Ograbek
February 16, 2023

Hi,

I'm happy you want to invest in your brain. That's a smart choice. As always, I've got 4 Brain Nutrients for you:

  • A Short Article: The Power of Words: 5 Phrases Parents Must Avoid to Foster a Growth Mindset.

  • 2 Quotes.

  • A Neuroscience Fact: Happily married men produce less testosterone.

Enjoy!

A Short Article: The Power of Words: 5 Phrases Parents Must Avoid to Foster a Growth Mindset.

"Adults have to be careful with external words because they become children's internal words." Jim Kwik

Did you know about the bonus chapters of the book Limitless by Jim Kwik? It is called "Raising Limitless Children." And today, I’ll write about fostering a growth mindset that I learned from the chapter.

Kids with a growth mindset outperform kids without it. The difference becomes visible around age 12.

For over 30 years, a fixed mindset prevented me from hard work. So I've lost over 20 years of progress.

As a father, I don't want my kids to waste 20 years. So I'm learning how to avoid that. And I'm sharing it with you.

Here are 5 statements all parents must avoid.

1. “You are so smart!”

As a kid, I've heard that statement hundreds of times. And I had to pay the price.

In elementary school, I was great at math. Better than most adults. So they perceived me as a math genius. Math came naturally to me. I didn't learn at all and got the best grades.

But my talent had its limit. In high school, solving calculus or probability exercises didn't come easy. Because I had never learned math before, I thought it was my ceiling. So I didn't even try to understand it. My fixed mindset won.

Although I believe my daughter is bright, I never tell her that. I know the price I've paid for hearing this phrase my whole childhood.

The point here is not to praise the person for who he is. Praise what they did. Praise the action, hard work, and effort.

What to say instead? "I can see you worked hard on this. Great job!"

2. "What's wrong with you?"

You can say it once, but your child repeats it hundreds of times in his head.

We have to be careful with our words.

First, your child will believe there's something wrong with him. Then, he'll try to answer your question. And he'll come up with harmful and untrue answers, like "I'm a bad person." Or "I'm not good enough."

Once it becomes part of his identity, it may stay with him forever.

3. "You'll never be any different."

My mother always told me, "You will be like your father." Because she hated him, I didn't take it as a compliment.

When you use permanent statements (always, never, you won't, and you can't), you say that improvement is impossible. But we can change at any age. And kids change the fastest.

Let's focus on learning now. Let's say your kid performs poorly on a test and says, "I'm not good at biology." Add yet to the end of the statement.

What to say instead? "You're not good at biology yet, but you'll get better with effort and a different approach."

4. "You did great on your test, but why can't you do that all the time?"

How do you feel when you hear a compliment immediately followed by "but"? Will you remember the praise or the contradiction?

Your kid did a great job at school. He gained momentum and a self-esteem boost. Focus on the positive aspects. Learn from that experience and encourage your kid.

What to say instead? "You did great on your test. What did you do differently?"

5. "That's not right. Are you paying attention in class? It seems like you're not even trying."

Have you had boring classes at school? For how long could you pay attention?

Boredom. That's the first thing that comes to mind when I think about my classes. I hardly paid attention. Was it my fault? Partially.

But if your kid struggles with a topic, focus on the solution, not the problem.

What to say instead? How can we make this subject playful?

Final thoughts.

A fixed mindset was my curse.

I'm speaking firsthand about the harmful aspects of it. And I'll do everything to give my kids the advantage I didn't have.

If you want to learn more about the growth mindset, I highly recommend 2 books:

2 Quotes

A Neuroscience Fact: Happily married men produce less testosterone.

Happily married men produce more vasopressin which lowers testosterone levels. But once the marriage faces hard times, the vasopressin level decreases, and testosterone increases.
Analogically, singles produce the most testosterone.

Thanks for reading. See you next week.

Keep your brain in mind.

Kris

This newsletter will always be FREE. However, you support me by buying books from the links you found here. Also, you can buy me orange juice.